He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
