my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
