I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
