the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
