OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
