Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
