If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize