Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
