She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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