Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize