First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
