Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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