He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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