My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
