I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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