I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
