I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
