Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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