I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
