He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
