If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
