I looked at my own cervix.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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