Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
