I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
