So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
