you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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