whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We talked him into tasing himself.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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