I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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