that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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