dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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