He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize