We're facebook friends in real life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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