I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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