I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
