somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
