I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
