loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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