What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Green mimosas i think yes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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