Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
