I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
