FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
