Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
