I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
