Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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