he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have demons in me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
