Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize