If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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