He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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