We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
