when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
