Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
