Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
