he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
