I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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