Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
