There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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