"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
