I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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