They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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