hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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