I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
