you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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