seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
