she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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