would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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